I don’t like this ___ (fill in the blank) woman imp’s patronizing attitude and slam… and their overpriced coffee is not that good anyway… when you read this you will see … their jester is actually a ‘get even’ slam to Christians.

You Ready Grandma

After experiencing boycotts and whimsical backlashes, Starbucks has announced that they are going to trash their Happy Holiday cups to please Christians. Well them, and everyone else.

Starbucks’ Gobal Chief Marketing Officer, Sharon Rothstein shared with us how they will now being including everyone.

“In light of the outrage by many Christians we’ve decided to donate all of the Happy Holidays cups to homeless shelters,” stated Rothstein. “We figured as long as there are people out there complaining about nothing while being self-absorbed, we should actually do something good for the world.”

Rothstein then told us how Starbucks is going to remedy their “error” of inclusion that was perceived as exclusion by the chosen people of God.

“We have completed the new designs which truly include Christians – as well as everyone else. Just like the ‘Happy Holidays’ cups already fucking did.”

Starbucks will now be using cups with the…

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